4 things to do to limit the admin nightmare after you or a person close to you dies...
I remember reading a moving story last year about a woman who’d just lost her mom. Her mom had left a perfectly organised folder of all the things that her daughter would need to wrap up her estate as easily as possible. Everything. Insurance policies. Her banking information. Her tax information. It also included family recipes. Old letters. Photographs. As this woman navigated both her grief and the administration of her mother’s estate, she said that this folder was almost like a last hug from her mother. A deeply loving gesture that said: “you aren’t alone, I’m here with you and I’ve done my very best to make this horrible life experience a bit easier for you”.
This perspective is incredibly powerful, when you get past how sad it is. It’s hard to think and talk about your own death. It’s even harder to actually prepare for your own death. But when you think of it in relation to the people you’ll be leaving behind, it’s much easier to motivate yourself to start getting your ducks in a row. (Well, to find them first and then get them into rows). You can either leave your loved ones scrambling around through a mountain of disorganisation when you die. Or you can set them off on a slightly easier path. It’s hardly even a consideration as to which option they’d prefer…!
Just before I went into partnership with the better half - certainly the lawyer half - of pop.law, Sinal, we met for breakfast. I remember one of the first things we bonded over was a shared fascination with death. I was working on a death related Web App and Sinal had graduated with top marks in succession law. (Succession law is all about the legal aspects of wrapping someone’s estate up when they die). Sinal shared the story of her mom’s death. She spoke about the stark difference between studying this stuff from an academic perspective and the lived experience of losing her mom and navigating the legal admin that followed. (Yip, we dove in pretty deep over our croissants and flat whites). I remember Sinal telling me that her own story was quite different than the one I had read about. While her mom’s affairs were pretty much in order when she died, down to a wallet of loyalty cards, the admin was still substantial, overwhelming and, frankly, awful. And that was with her mom’s affairs relatively in order. Because Sinal’s mom died on a Friday night and the family held a funeral on the Sunday, there was no time to actually go through the pile of documents and find out that what the family chose to do was far from what her mom had wanted for herself.
So what can be done to start mitigating against a proverbial emotional and administrative nightmare when you or a person close to you dies?
1. Start having difficult conversations.
It’s grim, but it’s important. Talk about where the wills are. Talk about what happens if you end up on life support. Talk about what properties you own and where the title deeds can be found. Phone up the people you’d like to be the guardians of your children and ask them if they’re game. If you can’t bring yourself to do this, find a mediator to help you through it. There are trained professionals who can help you and your loved ones get through these hideous conversations.
2. Start taking action.
Get your will drafted. Figure out what your life policy is all about. If you think it’s a hack finding your insurance policies, imagine your loved ones trying to do it without you there to help. Get proactive. You’ll see that once you start, it’s not so bad. The anticipation is far worse than the doing.
3. Communicate.
Make sure your loved ones know where to find what they need when you’re pushing daisies one day. Tell them where to find your will. Give them the contact number of your lawyer. Explain where you’ve hidden your important documents.
4. Live abundantly!
There’s a difference between being prepared and becoming fixated with death to the extent that it makes your life sad and awful. Get your ducks in a row, check in on them every 6 months… but mainly get busy living and do it with absolute joy!
As always, we're here to help if you come unstuck.